The Social Network for Dog Lovers

Pet Loss Support Group

Information

For anyone that has experienced the loss of a little one

Members: 30
Latest Activity: Aug 5

Time of Loss

Until one has traveled that road through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, it is impossible to understand the depths of the journey. Grief
can be as debilitating as a grave physical illness and can overtake our
lives for a time. In its all consuming form, grief can swallow up in its
path our joys, hopes and dreams and even our will to go on, leaving us
a shadow of who we once were.

While death has taken away our beloved, grief has torn open our hearts
and our eyes bleed with the heart's endless tears. The heart is
seemingly beyond repair and most certainly beyond recognition.
Our heart is simply and utterly broken.

Sadly in our society, Pet Grief is not generally accepted as a "valid"
form of grief and so often people feel ashamed or embarrassed by the
depth of their pain and grieving.

As a Chaplain of Pets, we can assure those suffering the loss of pets
with what has been termed the "Three N's of Grief:"

Grief is NORMAL
Grief is NATURAL
Grief is NECESSARY.

Grief is like a journey down a river. We are suddenly adrift on a raft of
emotions that threatens to capsize as we ride over the rapids, go over
the falls, and steer through the spinning eddies in whirlpools of thought
where we replay over and over the 'coulda, shouda, wouldas' that might
have changed the outcome of our loss. The river has its moments of
calm, and at those times we feel that we are through the worst, only to
have yet more white water of tears and emotions to go through. It can
be a long and difficult journey. But as much as we try to ignore the grief,
it does not ignore us. We must face it and learn to ride this river. There
is no getting around it. If we do not make the journey consciously, we
make it unconsciously with the raging white water spilling over into our
everyday lives and relationships with others.

When it comes to losing human loved ones, everyone, including family
and friends, colleagues (and even ourselves) understands that it takes
time to heal from grief. We are "allowed" and are given the courtesy of
time and space. But when it comes to Pet Loss, we usually face a
different group of voices all together. Most of the words from family
and friends, though well intended, are not very supportive after all.
These unfeeling responses can leave us feeling worse than we did
before. At worst case, the mourner will be ridiculed or even laughed at
for feeling so deeply about the death of their beloved pet.
"Get over it," " You can always get another one," "It was just a pet."
To the one enduring the pain of grief, those are cruel and harsh words.
They leave the pet-mourner feeling not only desperately alone, but
ashamed and embarrassed. Feeling "silly" or even "stupid" for such
deep grief over "just a pet,"

The all too common responses when we tell someone that our pet has
passed away can be deeply hurtful. Few openly acknowledge and
support our feelings when we tell them our pet has died. Many express
momentary sympathy, and then move on in the conversation as if we
had just said, "My car doesn't run anymore." There is often no
follow-up concern over your loss. No casseroles arrive at the door and
the sympathy cards do not come in the mail. The overall message
comes across that our pet was not important, that our feelings are not
important, that we are foolish and that our pet (the love of our lives!) is
replaceable. None of these are true and all are hurtful. It feels like
society is laughing at our pain. So many people just end up not sharing
it, not telling people how they really feel, and unfortunately, not reaching
for the support and help from either clinical or clerical that they so need
in their time of loss.

Discussion Forum

Two Poems to Remember our Beloved Friends 6 Replies

Started by Lisa Alesci. Last reply by Caryn Wilson May 18.

"Comparing Grief for Animals to Grief for Humans" 2 Replies

Started by Momcat Sooma. Last reply by Momcat Sooma Apr. 2, 2009.

The Dragonfly" by Doris Stickney

Started by Momcat Sooma Mar. 31, 2009.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Pet Loss Support Group to add comments!

Comment by Kelly Meyer on August 4, 2010 at 2:02pm: Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for your loss! We are NEVER ready to say goodbye--even when they have had long happy lives!

I like your idea of putting the ashes into a stuffed animal you can hug any time you want--would have never thought of that!

I hope with time the happy funny memories of Mitzi will start to fill your heart with joy instead of grief!

God speed Mitzi!

Kelly :o{

Comment by Jennifer on August 4, 2010 at 10:06am: I'm so glad I found this site.

I just lost my beloved German Shepherd, Mitzi, this past Sunday. She was 15.5 and went peacefully in her sleep here at home.

I am so incredibly devastated and grief-stricken and I just can't seem to stop crying. We've had her ever since she was a puppy and she was my first baby before I even had my own babies.

We are having her cremated and then I am taking her ashes to Build-A-Bear where I can have her put into a stuffed animal that I can hug any time I feel the need to remember her.

RIP Mitzi - I love you so very much and miss you terribly.

Comment by disturbed45 on May 31, 2010 at 1:44pm: HEY LISA. I THINK I COMMENTED IN THE WRONG PLACE. LMAO!!! OH WELL. I THINK I COMMENTED ON YOUR PAGE. I'M ALL CONFUSED.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIP.
PAM

Comment by Lisa Alesci on May 17, 2010 at 9:05am: Thank you all so much!
I wish the best to all of you too.
Warmest regards,
Lisa

Comment by disturbed45 on May 17, 2010 at 9:02am: I'M KEEPING YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS LISA.
HUGS!
PAM

Comment by Lisa Alesci on May 15, 2010 at 1:55am: Thank you for your kind message. I am so grateful to you kind souls who view this group and offer support. We need to care for our other animals, so you just have to press on. The hardest thing is when I can't sleep and do the "wee-hours-prowl" downstairs. The other dogs sleep upstairs with us, but Nanny always wanted to be in her basket under the kitchen table. For an old girls who was just about blind and totally deaf, she always sensed I was there, and would waddle over to sit by me in the rocker by the fire. Didn't want any sappy smooches like the other two, but wanted to be near with just a gentle stroke of her little dome head. It's so hard to get used to her not being in the places we expect her to be. I know all of you are painfully familiar with this, so thank you for propping me up while I air all this out.
Warmest regards, and lots of pats to your friends, Lisa

Comment by disturbed45 on May 14, 2010 at 1:45pm: HEY LISA. I WAS JUST READING YOUR POST ABOUT NANNY. I'M SITTING HERE IN TEARS JUST THINKING ABOUT HER. SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS SOMETHING ELSE. LOL! SHE SOUNDED LIKE A REAL JOY AND A REAL GO-GETTER. SHE HAD SPUNK BEYOND HER YEARS.

I'M GLAD SHE HAD SUCH A LOVELY BURIAL AND HAS A LOVELY FINAL RESTING PLACE.

OLD DOGS NEED LOVE TOO. THEY DON'T ALWAYS GET IT.

BLESS YOUR HEART FOR TAKING NANNY IN. I'M GLAD SHE WAS IN A GOOD HOME FOR HER FINAL DAYS.

Comment by Lisa Alesci on May 13, 2010 at 6:36am: Dear ladies who wrote about Nanny,

Thank you all so very much for your words of comfort. Just telling her story has been so comforting, and to have people I don't even know write kind words makes me grateful beyond measure. It's such raw emotion when you go through this, and of course, you do the inevitable bargaining and negotiating wtih yourself, justifying your decision. It's just awful guilt for a while. But we buried Nanny in her own little old fashioned dog basket, wrapped up in her own two blankets and pillow, with her favorite little squirrel toy under her chin. She's in a sunny spot at the far end of what we call the orchard here, by a fieldstone wall. It's part of the property we love and see every day, so in time, I'll get a little engraved stone for her, and plant some nice perennials over her. Every dog deserves respect and care in their "final arrangements" and it makes me so sad for those who don't get that. I'd take another geriatric in a heartbeat. If only I had the time and resources, I'd open an retirement home for dogs! Thanks again, ladies, for propping me up over this very sad time.
Warmest regards, and many pats to your sweet friends,
Lisa (and the gang)

Comment by Kelly Meyer on May 12, 2010 at 4:11pm: Lisa, you painted such a vivid and great picture of Nanny and her life with you! I'm so saddened she has passed! God bless you for giving a senior dog a loving, safe home to live out her last years--most likely the best of her life! It truly takes a special person/family to rescue and fall in love with a dog that you know is in the last years of their life--breaks your heart and warms it at the same time!
Kelly

Comment by Lynn on May 12, 2010 at 10:17am: Lisa, What a heart-warming and sad-at-the-same-time story. How wonderful of you to give Nanny a "soft place to land" as you say. It just goes to show that dogs can still bring us joy, even in their geriatric years. Just this morning my 12 1/2 y/o mixed-breed large-breed dog showed me she still has what it takes. She was lying on the screened porch when I went to see if she was ready to come in. Her ears were perked up and her eyes focused, so I turned on the outside light....there was a rabbit in our privacy-fenced yard. Niki jumped up let me know she NEEDED to chase away Mr. Bunny. She has always been my "squirrelly girl"! And this morning she let me know that she still could run with the best of them, squirrels or bunnies! Alas, she didn't catch him though (thank goodness).

It is amazing how deeply we can love these fur-babies! God bless you and keep you as you grieve for Nanny! You indeed sound like a wonderful, caring person any dog would be lucky to have!