The Social Network for Dog Lovers

Pet Loss Support Group

Information

For anyone that has experienced the loss of a little one

Members: 25
Latest Activity: Mar 5

Time of Loss

Until one has traveled that road through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, it is impossible to understand the depths of the journey. Grief
can be as debilitating as a grave physical illness and can overtake our
lives for a time. In its all consuming form, grief can swallow up in its
path our joys, hopes and dreams and even our will to go on, leaving us
a shadow of who we once were.

While death has taken away our beloved, grief has torn open our hearts
and our eyes bleed with the heart's endless tears. The heart is
seemingly beyond repair and most certainly beyond recognition.
Our heart is simply and utterly broken.

Sadly in our society, Pet Grief is not generally accepted as a "valid"
form of grief and so often people feel ashamed or embarrassed by the
depth of their pain and grieving.

As a Chaplain of Pets, we can assure those suffering the loss of pets
with what has been termed the "Three N's of Grief:"

Grief is NORMAL
Grief is NATURAL
Grief is NECESSARY.

Grief is like a journey down a river. We are suddenly adrift on a raft of
emotions that threatens to capsize as we ride over the rapids, go over
the falls, and steer through the spinning eddies in whirlpools of thought
where we replay over and over the 'coulda, shouda, wouldas' that might
have changed the outcome of our loss. The river has its moments of
calm, and at those times we feel that we are through the worst, only to
have yet more white water of tears and emotions to go through. It can
be a long and difficult journey. But as much as we try to ignore the grief,
it does not ignore us. We must face it and learn to ride this river. There
is no getting around it. If we do not make the journey consciously, we
make it unconsciously with the raging white water spilling over into our
everyday lives and relationships with others.

When it comes to losing human loved ones, everyone, including family
and friends, colleagues (and even ourselves) understands that it takes
time to heal from grief. We are "allowed" and are given the courtesy of
time and space. But when it comes to Pet Loss, we usually face a
different group of voices all together. Most of the words from family
and friends, though well intended, are not very supportive after all.
These unfeeling responses can leave us feeling worse than we did
before. At worst case, the mourner will be ridiculed or even laughed at
for feeling so deeply about the death of their beloved pet.
"Get over it," " You can always get another one," "It was just a pet."
To the one enduring the pain of grief, those are cruel and harsh words.
They leave the pet-mourner feeling not only desperately alone, but
ashamed and embarrassed. Feeling "silly" or even "stupid" for such
deep grief over "just a pet,"

The all too common responses when we tell someone that our pet has
passed away can be deeply hurtful. Few openly acknowledge and
support our feelings when we tell them our pet has died. Many express
momentary sympathy, and then move on in the conversation as if we
had just said, "My car doesn't run anymore." There is often no
follow-up concern over your loss. No casseroles arrive at the door and
the sympathy cards do not come in the mail. The overall message
comes across that our pet was not important, that our feelings are not
important, that we are foolish and that our pet (the love of our lives!) is
replaceable. None of these are true and all are hurtful. It feels like
society is laughing at our pain. So many people just end up not sharing
it, not telling people how they really feel, and unfortunately, not reaching
for the support and help from either clinical or clerical that they so need
in their time of loss.

Discussion Forum

"Comparing Grief for Animals to Grief for Humans" 2 Replies

Started by Momcat Sooma. Last reply by Momcat Sooma Apr. 2, 2009.

The Dragonfly" by Doris Stickney

Started by Momcat Sooma Mar. 31, 2009.

"You Can Find Love Again"

Started by Momcat Sooma Mar. 31, 2009.

Comment Wall

Comment

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Comment by disturbed45 on March 4, 2010 at 8:17pm: JORDAN, I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO MAKE THAT AWFUL DECISION THAT A LOT OF US PET OWNERS HAVE TO MAKE. PUTTING A DOG YOU LOVE SO MUCH TO SLEEP IS THE HARDEST THING YOU CAN DO. AT THE SAME TIME, HE WAS SUFFERING AND NEEDED TO BE OUT OF PAIN. TAIKO EARNED HIS WINGS AND NOW HE IS WHOLE AGAIN. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY DURING THIS VERY DIFFICULT TIME.

Comment by Vicki Pekurney on March 2, 2010 at 7:54pm: Jordan, my heart aches with you in your loss of your beloved baby Taiko. I understand 50 % of all dogs are lost to cancer...I give regularly to http://www.morrisanimalfoundation.org/ because they are doing so much to find a cure for cancer for our beloved pets. God keep you all.

Comment by Jordan Thompson on March 2, 2010 at 2:07pm: Last night and today have been very tough for my family and I. My beautiful dog Taiko, my avatar, faded rapidly yesterday into this morning and we sent him along his was across that Rainbow bridge at 9:40 am on Tuesday, March 2, 2010. Taiko was and still is the most loving dog in the world but his cancer had just gotten to be too much for him. I never thought that I would be able to put him down, but after seeing him struggle so much last night, all I wanted to do was send him out in peace and comfort. I love you so much Taiko! I send out all my prayers that aren't going towards my Taiko to all of you.

Comment by Caryn Wilson on February 22, 2010 at 1:31pm: Kelly so sorry to here of the loss of Max, I know they are just like a human family member and are so much a part of our life. My heart goes out to your sister and her family also yourself. The pain is very real and it takes time to adjust to not having these sweet creatures in our life. Take care and will be praying for you and your family.

Comment by Lynn on February 22, 2010 at 12:05pm: Kelly, I am so sorry to hear about Max. Seems like just yesterday you posted about him being ill! Your sister and your family are surely hurting right now, but in time memories of Max will turn tears into smiles. He is pain free now and playing across the bridge with all the other pups here who have gone ahead. They await our reunion in time. Prayers to you and your family!

Comment by Kelly Meyer on February 22, 2010 at 11:48am: Thanks everyone,
It has been VERY hard! Even though Max was not my dog, I feel the loss so much! He was SUCH a part of our family--as all of our dogs are!
My sister and her family are taking it day by day! They know they did EVERYTHING they could do for sweet Max, but they miss him so very much--as do we!

Comment by Joe Stroud on February 22, 2010 at 8:14am: Kelley, My heart goes out to you on Max's family and your loss. It affects everyone involved cause they are so loved.

Comment by Vicki Pekurney on February 22, 2010 at 7:58am: Our prayers are with Max's family. Run and play Max with all of our beloved pets who are already there waiting for us.

Comment by Coralie Nellhard on February 22, 2010 at 2:43am: I am so sorry for you and your family about Max´s. passing. It is so sad when our loved ones leave us, but the small comfort is that they are no longer suffering, as I understand it was in the case of Max. It doe´snt sound very comforting in our grief, but we can be assured that to become free on the Rainbow Bridge meant a lot to our beloved pets.

Comment by disturbed45 on February 21, 2010 at 6:14pm: HEY KELLEY. I'M SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT MAX. I LOST MY POODLE TO KIDNEY FAILURE. SHE LASTED A WHILE. THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO LET GO AND IT IS THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD TO DO.

I'LL KEEP YOUR SISTER AND YOUR FAMILY IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.

MAX IS WHOLE AGAIN. HE IS AN ANGLE NOW.