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I finally forgave myself, this morning!

I just found this poem and just about busted out in tears. When I was 12, my dog Timmy, the best Cairn Terrier in the WHOLE WORLD died in a car accident.

I swore that he was still with me. I felt his presence for years. I still do, when I think about him - even though I live on the other side of the planet from his little grave, in my parents' backyard in Connecticut.

I'm not sure anyone else in my family quite knew what I was talking about when I said "Timmy's still here."

Maybe they did, and they just didn't want to say, because we were all so sad.

Then today I found this poem, written by the infamous "Author Unknown."

I'm Still Here

I stood beside your bed last night
I came to have a peek
I could see that you were crying
You found it hard to sleep

I whined to you softly
As you brushed away a tear
"It's me, I haven't left you,
I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast
I watched you pour the tea
You were thinking of the many times
Your hands reached down to me

I was with you at the shops today
Your arms were getting sore
I longed to take your parcels
I wish I could do more

I was with you at my grave today
You tend it with such care
I want to reassure you
That I'm not lying there

I walked with you toward the house
As you fumbled for your key
I gently put my paw on you
I smiled and said "It's me."

You looked so very tired
And sank into a chair
I tried so hard to let you know
That I was standing there

It's possible for me to be
So near you everyday
To say to you with certainty
"I never went away."

You sat there very quietly
Then you smiled, I think you knew
In the stillness of that evening
I was very close to you.

The day is over...
I smile and watch you yawning
And say "Good night, God bless,
I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right
For you to cross the brief divide
I'll rush across to greet you
And we'll stand side by side

I have so many things to show you
There is so much for you to see
Be patient, live your journey out
And then come home to be with me

I know that I've run across this poem before, but I somehow skipped over it's significance. Now, today, I realized that it's TRUE!!!!

So I cried a little, and then spent some time with Timmy. While I was with him, I said:

"I love you Timmy. I'm sorry that I sometimes ignored you when you wanted to play. And I'm sorry that I was so darn busy saying hello to my friends that I didn't notice you running out in the road.

Lucky for me, I now know that you forgave me ... in fact, you never had anything to forgive. You've been here all along.

I bet you love the Pacific Ocean as much as you used to love Padarewski Pond!"

I hope this isn't too sentimental or over-the-top to share. I just felt compelled to share it with you all. I get it now. Our dogs don't even realize that they're not in physical bodies anymore - they're so "soulful" that they see no real difference. In body, beyond the body - it's all the same. It's only from our perspective that there is any separation.

I'm so grateful for this release!!!

Many blessings to you, and to your dogs.

Tags: about, death, dog, forgiveness, grief, poem

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Comment by Maltese Mom on September 14, 2009 at 4:50pm: Beautiful poem. Reminds me of my little Rio.

Comment by Robbi Shaffer on September 14, 2009 at 4:02pm: Thank you so much for sharing this poem. I lost the little love of my on May 2nd. This poem helped my heal some more.

Comment by wendy caron on April 23, 2008 at 4:40pm: Loved the poem.thanks for sharing

Comment by Jo Flournoy on April 14, 2008 at 2:44pm: what a beautiful poem!! yes..it made me cry too...I have had many fur babies and always loved them all so much and kept them for long long time and have 8 now and they are all the loves of my life! I cry just to think of losing any one of them!! but then I know we will all be together again one day! now I am crying again! I love all dogs!!thank you so much for all that you share

Comment by Raeann on April 9, 2008 at 5:39am: Thanks for the poem, Molly. I sometimes feel Maggie is nearby, and my 2 1/2 year old a few weeks ago was talking to the litterboxes downstairs, a former favorite hangout of our Maggie, who passed away about 6 months ago. Actually, she was ordering Maggie to get out of the litterboxes, since she had a bad habit of snacking out of them.

Thank you for the lovely comment, you seem like a truly heartfelt, genuine and beautiful person. I did post a few picture of Maggie as well.

Raeann

Comment by Janet R. Scarpitti on April 6, 2008 at 8:18am: Your blog is wonderful! I hope you have great luck with it! It is quite a rarety for me to write you but I just had to tell you that your blog (poem) was so touching! I had adopted Jesse when he was 6 1./2 years old and we "bonded" almost instantly. I had to have him euthanized when he was 17 years old in September . I was so depressed and sad but then I just adopted "Buddy" at 7 months and am doing so much better.....all thanks to Buddy! I understood everything you said in your blog and had to thank you.

Comment by Blanche on April 6, 2008 at 7:49am: Ladies, it's time to smile, give thanks for the wonderful moments we have shared with our loved ones and go on! Life is beautiful if your mind says it is. If you've seen or read "The Secret" you will bring to your life all you want and will ver need, but, you must think in the positive, shed a tear when necesary and go on living this wonderful life.
Share and help others and you will be where you want to be....................
Never go backwards, always forward! Keep yourself busy with reading and seeing positive words and thoughts. Fill your life with giving; as the perfume of a Rose always stays with the giver.
May these thoughts give you peace and know that you are loved beyond measure, by many; Especially God, our Father. Blessing to all of you lovely ladies. Blanche

Comment by Anne Byam on April 5, 2008 at 5:42pm: The poem here Molly, brought tears to my eyes. Poems about dogs usually do - even if they are hale and healthy in the verse. I lost my beautiful companion dog Lockie (Lachlan) - Golden Retriever last June to cancer and was devastated - and often still feel that way, although the tears have abated just a little now. Lockie was put to sleep in my arms, the only place it could happen. That's what I (we both) wanted, as he so often laid under my arms with his head resting on my lap - his favourite place. I miss him so much, but Gracie (another Golden but red coated) has opened a new place in my heart. I often go with her outside and we visit Lockie's grave together and I wonder if she knows. The two were inseparable even though they had only 18 months together. Lockie is buried in a beautiful garden we created for him and his mother (Murphy Brown) who passed over 3 years before him. Heart-breakers all of them I think, but also, so beautiful and special to have share life with us for however long it's meant to be. Annie.

Comment by Bonnie on April 5, 2008 at 4:36am: I just wrote a couple of days ago about this beautiful poem and also that less than two weeks ago I lost my pet of nearly 16 years. Right now I feel like I'm going backwards instead of forward.I feel worse than I did and miss her even more! I just can't seem to get a hold of this. I'm so glad there is a place that a person can go to just let these kinds of feelings out. God's blesssings to all of you who love your pets as you do.The world is a nicer place because of people like you!

Comment by Pat on April 4, 2008 at 1:53pm: To Judy, take care of your fur baby, I will pray for her continued healing. I too lost my husband nearly 7 years ago & if I had not had my dogs, I would have just not cared to go on. The one we shared was Kelly & when she went to the Rainbow Bridge at age 14, over a year ago, I was devistated, but, the quiet made me go searching & God led me to Katie, she is my now fur baby & just celebrated 5 years (she ahd been a Mommy twice & had done her part in furthering the breed. She is So much company and keeps me moving, (she loves to go outside & play & take walks! God bless you & yours